This Was an amazing project to youse are seances do describe something we have never lived, for me it taped into emotions that I didn't even know I had. It was a perfect project and I could never think to change it.
Wednesday, September, 11 She’s ill, this disease running through her body, came onto her like a flood. No warning. Joust pain, in just a matter of seconds. Jem has been depressed over the past few days. He’s asked if she was going to die. I have no clue what to tell him, all I know is that he needs to prepare, but he is still a child. Scout can barely talk, let alone understand what is happening. I feel like my heart is going to explode and all of the tears behind my old sad eyes will come pouring out.
Thursday, September, 12 She started to cough all throughout last night and it has not stopped since. The doctor is on his way but I don't know how long it will take her to recover, or even if she is going to recover. All I want to do is help her, make the pain go away, but I don't know how. I don't even know if she will see sunrise. Friday September, 13, The doctor came today and told me she will not make it through the night, to say our goodbyes, and to make her comfortable. I don't want to say goodbye. I refuse to say goodbye. She knows this is the end. I told Jem and Scout. Jem started to cry and hugged me so hard I started to cry. I can't tell him it will get better. It will probably get worse, but I need to be there for my wife in sickness and in health, til death do us part. I will never stop loving her and when she leaves I will never love again. Every time I think of her, I see a beautiful woman coming down the aisle with kind eyes, brown hair and a smile that touches her eyes, the love of my life sitting across the table from me for the first time, the first time I made her laugh The most beautiful woman in the world, and now she is gone for good. Goodbye my love. Sunday, September, 15, 1928 I have not left this room. I have not left the spot where her final moments on earth were. I don't want her to go to heaven I want her here with me forever. I want her to be with me until the end of time itself, but she is gone she is gone forever. She is still here in my heart she is not gone and nothing will replace that for as long as I live. Until are soul sink up at last until we will stay together forever and we will never part again. Saturday, September,21 Today is the funeral I don't know if I can make it thrugh the day without bursting into tears. I don't care what everyone else thinks of me after they see me crying, not like a baby or a woman, but like a man who lost the love of his life, the mother of his children, his anchor to reality. Sunday, September, 22 It's been a week and I still can’t get over the fact that she is gone. I don't accept that she is gone for good. She's in my heart she will never leave my side. I love her more than anything in the world, she is my rock she's my life. My true love, the only thing to live for. but now, she is gone for good. Friday, October, 19 The pain is slowly starting to sink in. I can't go a day without thinking of her, I can't go a second without crying for her. All I can do now is be there for the people that she loved. I will always love her but the least I can do is be there for the people that she loved, the people that loved her back. I don't have control a lot of things that go on in my life but I do have control over one, to make Jem the most amazing man and Scout most perfect woman in the world. I can help and be the best they can be I can teach them by showing that by saying I can help them grow and help them love and have them help my pain go away. Saturday, October, 20 Alcohol is the only thing that seems to help make the pain go away, for a minute, for a second. I love her more than anything in the world and I just can't bear to live without her. I hurt more than anything I can ever describe, my heart aches for her presents. Monday, February, 4 It's been two months. The doctor say if I keep this up, I will not outlive her very long.So my children will be orphans and I'll be gone. My liver can't take an ounce more of alcohol. All I want to do is feel better, make the pain go away. Fill this hole in my heart ,help it heal.i guess one has to have scars before they can heal:you have the rain before you see the sun Fryday, February, 8 If a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, then I have to walk a thousand miles before I can heal. I have to work for my new life, I have to cry before I can heal. I have to pray to be forgiven after sacrifice the one thing that makes me feel human the hill in the end. I don't control a lot of things can't stop her from getting sick can't stopper for wanting to change, but I can change the way I feel and change the way I act and I can change the future. Tuesday, October, 6 The snow has come the most beautiful time of the year and it brings only pain the faint memory of my wife in the snow smiling from eye to eye. The beautiful angel in the snow, the love of my life. Tuesday, March, 2 The snow has passed. It’s finally spring and things are changing Scout is nearly four but Jem, somehow I need to get into school. I need to teach in the ways of being a man but how can I do that when I'm barely a man myself? Cal helps me watch the kids she feeds them she plays with them raises them but me I can barely take care of myself, how can I be a good father. Monday, March, 8 I'm too sad too weak to enforcing rules Jem’s calm and rational for a boy his age, but Scout is something different entirely she acts ,well a boy she plays with Jem. They have plays and skits all night I can hear them jumping around all night having fun playing games. I thought about going to tell them “now, you can’t do the only fun thing in your life.” I am a horrible human being. Friday, May, 1 I can't drink anymore. The past is killing me. I feel everything the physical pain has gone better but the mental and unbearable. The announcement came today but the Depression has started but for me it started a long time ago the pain of losing her is more than I can take even though all my money down the drain so-called stocks saviors the way to be rich so they said but now $2,000 for the stocks German silver dime. this woman tells moreover parent I ever was takes them to school she plays scale she makes her feel loved well I'm just sitting here wasting away at my office modern and scrap.I can't even pay Cal now she works for less than I even make I can't even keep the bread on the table. Tuesday, May, 17 Cal’s already yelling at me. last night she told me I better get my act together for my two kids. I reckon she's right I do need to start working. but I can't even keep a client how am I get payed. I don't know what to do I'm living that, I ain't got any cash. we haven't even got food , but what you gonna do fix the world. Wednesday, May, 18 Well time to take Cals advice got to get my old job back gotta start working gotta stop dreaming about that wonderful moon shine. Friday, May, 27 I have my life back on track, well sort of anyway I'm still scraping the bottom of the barrel lately. But it is more than you know what do you do can't change the world works all I can do now. I cen work hard and hope for the best. Saturday, May, 31 Got a new case today real one finally. don't have to defend someone about a stolen cow, now I am working at the big leagues human rights well the right to not have companys still the people's money out of their pockets. Depression hit us hard and we ain't got any cash most of us are working at the kindness of my heart . We're going to take on the big companies that stole all of our food. We're going to take it out on where I change the world. fix all of the harm they did, or at least die trying. Friday, June, 16 We lost the trail today, we can't get our money back, we can't save the world. The economy is only getting worse, how are you supposed to help everyone when I can't even help myself. If the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step why that step so hard to take. And other cases that are just hard this one is something that I fighting for something that I want change. but how do I change the world, how do I save it. Monday, June, 19 The more I work the harder it gets, the more hours I'm in the office away from the children the more depressed I become. How do I make a change if I don't even have anything to fight for anymore. I'm not fighting for my children, not fighting for my wife. But I'm fighting for all those people that I've got no won fighting for them. I'm working hard for everyone that can afford to. So I guess that's just going to keep me going, it's good to the motivation of any. To be honest I need to find something to fight fore. Tuesday, June, 20 It's slowly starting to get easy. the more I work the less pain can sink in, the less I think about the love of my life the more I think about the future. I guess I really don't need to save the world or change it. I just need to change myself and believe in something again. So in the end even if I lose this case I will still have won in the end. I must change myself in order to change the world. Sunday, June, 24 Started going to church again, now I'm not that much of an oddball in the community besides the fact that I Am 35 and not married . I'm just glad I have something to fight for him, I know I probably won't win the triple but I can try. that's just the type of man I am, I'm the man try to make a difference no matter how hard. Thursday, July, 12 life is on the turn for the better, Call takes care of the kids now I don't know she's kind of like their mom. My sisters giving me grief about not getting married yet, it's only been a year it's still too soon. even if I did meet someone what am I going to say, hi my name is Atticus my sisters pressuring me to get married, I have two kids and my wife's already dead. so what do you say want to tie the knot? I don't wanna fall in love again, too much pain in first time. But to be frank I think I still am in love. Sunday, July, 30 There is news all over the country polio sweeping our family away. Hey but on the bright side the company's I was going against have all of the money. I'm keeping the kids home from school, I asked Cal to stay here until the outbreaks over just so she can help out with the kids. But no one else is going to read this I really just after cuz I can't bear to lose her too. Monday, August, 1 The doctors give us the all clear. I asked Cal to stay until the weeks end, there is no way I'm letting someone I care about get sick. but just to be safe I didn't go to school for the next week, I also just wanted to spend some more time with them. I started drawing with Scout and Jem. Scout drew the worst flower I have ever seen but I framed it and hung it up anyway, she was so proud to create her drawing. Jem might have a future in art, even thow he keeps talking about becoming a lawyer but I don't want that for him. If he decides that's what he wants to do I will support him threw it all.